Intra-club match 29 May 2015

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Well another week and another wash out. The usually great fun game against Park Street is cancelled due to severe thunderstorms. However, weather for Thursday looks better. Match manager Jones sets himself task of finding 22 players at 2 days’ notice. He finds 18. Game on.

Now there are two ways of selecting sides for an intra-club friendly. One involves a wall, 2 captains and a lot of hurt feelings. The other involves an arbitrary selection criterion that everyone can complain about. So Jones selects option 2. The criterion set, what date you joined the club. Despite the club having the impression of being full of recent arrivals, the game proved the contrary. Jones, a seasoned veteran of 4 seasons turned out to be the newest member of Club Old. Club Old, consisting of Church (capt), Williams (wk), Winfield, Hook, Wilson, McKinnon, Cooper and Jones boasted nearly 200 club caps between them. Team Spotty Youth, Peel (capt), Longbottom (wk), Curtis, WG, Knee, O’Grady, Evershed, Knee’s neighbour and the neighbour's 11 year old son (more of who later) boasted less than 50 caps between them. William Hill were offering very short odds on a Team Old Victory. Curtis lays £30 on Team Old, emotional insurance as he calls it. Match fixing as the ICC call it.

Oldies into bat first. Wilson in fine form, Cooper determined to be stumped every other ball. Cooper has his wishes granted and is stumped by an alert Longbottom. Lawnmower man in. One brief cut later, Lawnmower man out. Hook walks to the crease in an unaccustomed No.4 position. He is out without scoring, so normality restored. Church in. Drives over the bowler with ever shot. Except when he mishits, and calls it a tickle down to fine leg. Wilson retires…hurray. Williams in. A few lusty 4s later Williams nobly out. Winfield in. Plays some nice shots an again nobly retires early to allow this correspondent a few overs. Enter the St Albans express that was the 11 year old. Now as Umpire Longthought said, “you are on a hiding to nothing batting against an 11 year old. Smash runs and you are a bully, get out and you are an idiot”. Wise words. Now the child, for that is what he was, was no fool with the ball. Reasonable pace and decent accuracy. Two characteristics that Church struggles to bat against. The ball the kid bowled to remove Church’s off stump was good, Church’s shot, less good. The crowd, and Jones at the non-strikers end, were less respectful than they should have been but, you would needed to have a heart of stone not to laugh. Hook back for second go. Again not troubling the scorer but at least not out this time. Reasonable total set by the Gentlemen Saddos.

In come the Players. Peel faces his first ball from Cooper. Second big laugh of the evening as a prodded forward defensive sees the bails rise and so to the umpire’s finger. Peel leaves to the sound of muffled sniggering. Knee in and out faster than Geordie on a Saturday night. Longstay retires (not hurray). Knee’s neighbour in and so to the difficult to remove 11 year old. The Welsh Valley’s Light Railway and Jones both find it hard pulling punches against the kid are relieved when his mum tells him its bed time and he must go home. Curtis plays some shots straight out of the playbook. A lacrosse playbook it transpires and after a couple of streaky 4s, Curtis is confused by a straight one. Others come and go (this correspondent being momentarily distracted by the ladies British Military Fitness Club) and Peel has a second coming. As second coming runs don’t count (new rule), technically the Senior Team wins *.

Cricket was the winner, along with the senior team by dint of being nicer people with better looks.

*Officially the youth team won but he who writes the history etc.

Intra-club match

29th May 2014 6.00pm at Verulamium Park, St Albans