Why two Bonds are better than one

In a session filled with crushing defeats and new lows, the expected season finale against the St Alban's Ladies 2nd XI provided an opportunity for reputations to the built up and pride to be restored.

The idea was that it would be the Saddos who would be receiving these benefits. Sadly reality, never the friend of the ageing gentleman, was to cruelly bestow these gifts on others.

Because of the fading autumnal light of September, nurse had to wake WG from his afternoon nap early and Bondy had to leave his lunchtime pub visit before his traditional 5pm happy hour. So the gathering party was slightly less game ready/match face on than is usual. Brevet Captain, aka the Corporal, elected to bat, just to ensure the game lasted its full course! The Corporal was slightly conflicted having coached the ladies team these last two years, but helpful remarks from his own team like: "I hope you have not taught them to bat like you" ensured that the Corporal's always questionable team loyalty was being stretched to breaking point.

Pip, always one to have his pads on first, regardless of knowing the outcome of the toss, volunteered to open, along with the "much improved" Commander Bond (quotation marks never more inaccurate). One ball in, apparently the "ball of the century" and Bondy was out, bowled for a golden shower, or whatever you call such things. 00,oh indeed. Now, if Bondy really has had as many "balls of the century" as he claims the man must be about 600 years old. As he trudged back younger daughter Christine was heard to say, never mind dad, I love you. Older daughter Grace on the other hand was heard muttering something about wishing she was adopted.

The Ladies may not have realised it, but their leading wicket taker was already out in the middle. It was Pip. First he ran Roffers out for 2 and then CRS with the poor lad having faced not a single ball. He was so out, the fielder had time to catch the ball, drop it as she attempted to take the bails off, pick it up again, take the bails off and make a cut of tea, all before CRS arrived at the crease.

Next in the line of fire was our own General, Grant, at least he should have been. However, Pips determination to wreak havoc in our top order meant that his batman had not fully dressed him. Therefore, like all officers faced with a massacre, he sent in the poor bloody infantry, aka the Corporal, ahead of him. "Right behind you" he was heard to shout. A brief "conversation" with Pip clarified the running policy from now on. If you think we can sledge each other, try being the coach battling against your own team. "Nice pirouette, try using both hands etc. were just some of the hurtful nonsense. However, the Corporal made it to 16 before protecting his season average of 4.5 and retiring. Pip retired after a hockey stroke masterclass of 28. The score 60 for 3 off 13. With 5 overs left (we were playing an 18 over game) the big guns of Winfield the ever Elder and the General were in the middle. Winfield elected to retire on 23 and Dave A (5) and the General (12) saw us to a respectable, but not safe 101 for 3.

WG, who had got over his earlier disappointment at not being able to give Bondy out opened the "attack". A good maiden was followed by three 4s in 5 balls, age clearly catching up with the soon-to- be pensioner. From the other end Prath, making his second appearance for the Saddos, bowled really well, ending on 0-3 off 2 overs. First change saw Winfield claim a wicket as the speed and full length of a delivery saw the ball pop up to Prath at square leg who took a solid catch. From the other end 00,oh trundled in ending on 0-16 as the impressive Nikki started to find her rhythm. 8 overs in and the Ladies were on 43 for 1. Could they pull off a surprise victory?

CRS bowled well but again the impressive opener found the boundary ropes to her liking and CRS ended on 0-18. The Corporal bowled one over (0-3 if you are asking), and introduced new "boy" Mike Wells, who had a daughter in the oppo. "Just give me one over, it's been years" he said. Two overs later he had very respectable figures of 0-7 off 2. Roffers takes his turn and is lucky that a sharp run out chance goes to the only Saddo that can run Winfield), a quick pick up and throw and the Ladies are 70 for 2 off 13.

With three overs left the score is 83 off 15. Mr Ashton, one of the finds of the season, bowls a good first over and c&bs Cowan Jnr. "piss off you're out, tell your story walking pal" says father Pip from behind the stumps as Jess walks off for a nice 8. 87 for 3 off 16. The Corporal returns and bowls out the No.5 for 2. Is that 10 wickets this season and 60 in total? Could be, as Hong Kong Phooey would no doubt have said. The Corporal ends on 1-7. Score, 92 for 4 off 17. Surely the Ladies could not get 10 from the last 6 balls. The Corporal moves players to the boundary, just to make sure. .,1,2. are the first three balls. 7 needed from three. Start the car on another Saddos victory? 4,4 and it's all over bar the shouting, and they did a lot of that. The ladies win with one ball left. 102 for 4. Nikki ends on 54 not out.

So the team with 2 Bonds, defeat the team with one.

The End.