The saddos took to the field on the back of a 100% winning record for 2016 with visions of the invincible season nestled in the back of their minds.

The match manager played an absolute blinder and with military precision, had the entire saddos team at the venue, kitted up and ready (yes, including Church) with time to spare. At that point, we were playing the 'Killigrew two', who in fairness quite possibly could've made a match of it.

There was a whiff of tactics from Killigrew as the sads Captain agreed to let them bat whilst their rabble came together in dribs and drabs. Whilst warming up on the pitch it became patently clear you'd struggle to bowl chin music to a three year old. With an overgrown outfield and the sun high in the sky facing straight down the pitch, batting first seemed like a good idea in retrospect.

WG opened the bowling and you could tell from their first few shots that these guys could play a bit, stroking the ball around and grabbing quick ones and twos. The saddos bowled pretty well and kept the openers reasonably in check without being overly threatening. In the first few overs a few people decided they could prowl around the wicket like a Warner and we leaked a few in overthrows, but rustiness could account for this. After about the fourth over, the fielding tightened up immensely and eventually their first wicket fell with Diprose taking a very sharp catch and then flew through the air like a big gay leaping salmon for effect.

Killigrew also implemented another clever tactic when they realised the Welsh prolapse was fielding reasonably short on the longest boundary (and it's bloody long). They started paddling the ball round the corner past Williams who proceeded to run off at a 'fast trot' as it can best be described and the rest of the saddos nipped down the three hammers for a pint, had a wee kip, sent a few emails and returned to the field by the time Williams had returned the ball to the keeper. This accounted for 128 of their 129 runs and meant by innings end we were suitably smashed.

Another sharp catch to Dippers and a player who was run out by a least a yard (by a sweet throw to the keeper) was scandalously given not out by the umpire and walked himself off instead. Another run out by Longy, a catch for Glenno and a clean bowled for Churchy and we pegged them back to a decent total to chase. The saddos departed the field whilst Church stalked the boundary looking for random punters to tell how difficult it is to take two wickets for six runs.

In reply the saddos innings will take the form of a simple quiz:

1.
a) Dippers and Peel were sent in to bat and distributed the ball spectacularly to all parts in a dazzling double retiree spell off very few overs
b) Jan Boycott and Graham Tavare batted for thirteen overs before being dragged off the field screaming about averages

2.
a) Curtis and Wilson picked up the run rate with sharp singles and wristy and stylish strokeplay
b) Curtis bowled cheaply and Wilson was run out taking a 'quick' single by about half the length of the pitch

3.
a) Williams was disadvantaged by having to carry a bat and a prolapse and O'Grady took Churches advice and blocked the first two before letting loose.
b) Someone surgically removed the prolapse and Williams ran like a greyhound and O'Grady was caught on the boundary for a big fat golden

4.
a) McKinnon was tutting about the length, tinge and patchiness of the outfield and Simmonds took 36 off his first over on debut
b) McKinnon and Simmonds played some decent shots and bought us back with a fighting chance

5
a) Longbottom was left to try and smash us to victory and Church needed to smash 40 runs off 3 balls to take us to victory
b) Longbottom had a crack and hit a few good shots and Church made the decision not to hit 40 off those last 3 balls.

6
a) WG - DNB.....and that's why we lost.