Fishers of Men

They say you win nothing with kids. They are correct. They say it is the hope that kills you, they are right.

You pay big money to hire a top local cricketing star, and he turns into a Saddo grade cricketer in about 3 overs.

Bugger, bugger, bugger. Where at least 3 words that came out of the captain's month in the final overs of an exciting, and genuinely close encounter against our friends the Fishers, on a balmy Summer Solstice evening at the Verulamium Super Sponge.

At what must be the most beautiful cricketing backdrop in the world, we oh so nearly saw the face of god/Carol Kirkwood (or anything in a skirt if you are Longbottom), in other words, heaven.

A new look Saddo outfit had two players on debut. One, a talented batsman, bowler and athletic fielder, the other, Matt Howeson. Young Church is clearly adopted, as he can move without the aid of a calendar to mark the passing of time. Howeson, the one-time 1XI captain of St Albans has clearly fallen on hard times. Watching him last night was, one imagines, like watching the great Brazilian Socrates when he played a game for Garforth Town. Fun to watch such sublime skills, and vision, but you do have to wonder what the hell he is doing this far down the quality ladder.

Young Church on the other hand is clearly a chap travelling in the opposite career direction, a fact all to evident by his top scoring batting performance. In fact his 23 was more runs than Longbotton, Winfield, Church Senior, Jones, Pagett, CRS, Colin and WG accumulated between them (as you ask, 11 in total, 6 Jones, 4 Church 1 Winfield, and...well you can work out the rest).

The pitch can best be described as variable in bounce, in the same way that you can describe Longbottom's bowling as variable in direction. There were chin ticklers and grubbers from the same bowler on the same length. Longbottom continued his fine run of form: 25, 0, 25, 0. He was bowled. As were: Winfield, both local Churches, Cooper, Howeson, CRS and Pagett. Jones, just to be different, was caught. Howson on debut opened with the sort of wide stance that says, you're mine baby. He hit some lovely shots in a quick fire 15 before the assimilation of his surrounding into club Saddo meant that he played a horrible cross shot to a one that kept low (is 5cms low?) and was out.

Cooper, not a man known for responsible innings suddenly found himself at the crease with a newly arrived Junior Church (Sunday School as we shall henceforth call him). To the surprise of the hecklers on the hill Cooper starts to act as a father figure to the young lad, having quiet chats to calm his nerves between overs and encourage the lad to play some shots. Or at least that's what he told the press. However, sources close to Sunday School later told waiting journalists that in fact it was the lad that was the one doing the talking, telling the Saffa to play responsibly and not do anything stupid. Wherever the truth lies the big fella made a respectable 17 and the lad, 23. Saddos finish on 94 for 9.

Huddle time!!!! As has become traditional, captain Jones welcomed the two debutants, and reminded the doubters that the pitch was s**t and this was not over yet.

After 8 overs Fishers have "raced" to 20 for 3 as Winfield (one wicket, maybe 2 (this correspondent forgot to get their scorecard)), Cooper, WG and CRS (1 wicket) keep the fish in their pens. Sunday School bowls next and takes 1 wicket and a run out. Jones bowls less well and the first boundaries (3 of them) are hit. We also witness a new fielding style from Cooper. It starts with a shot to the boundary that just requires the Saffa to pick it up. Instead, we get a sliding tackle that would have made Julian Dicks proud. This result in the big fella kicking the ball over for a 4, then picking the ball up and firing it back into the keeper's hands as if that matters after a 4. He hones this technique on a further 3 occasions. All going for a 4s but he clearly laps up the "great throw Shaun" accolades. Spotting irony clearly now being a South African trait.

With 5 overs to go the opposition need about 35ish. Bravely, and I cannot repeat how bravely in the circumstances, Pagett offers to bowl his first deliveries in about 10 years (no nets no warm ups). He facilitated a fantastic run out of the non-striker by touching the ball as the batsman smacked it back down the pitch onto the non-striker's stumps . Howeson bowls a great first over and is withdrawn for the final over (never to return). With 3 overs left, Colin is in the no-win situation of having to keep it tight, with about 7 required from 3 overs. After a 6 and a 4 its all over. With 2 overs remaining.

Heads are not down. After last year's 51 all out and an 80 run defeat, this one had a real feel of a victory slipping away. While the batting was below par, the non-debutants contributing 28 in total, the bowling was at times fantastic. You may win nothing with kids, but without Sunday School and Old Socretes, this would have been a very different affair.

As a side note, the Committee are investigating why the crowd appeared to contain unsavoury characters that had an uncanny resemblance to Dipper, Busted and Richardo (3 individuals who were, according to their school notes, unavailable for PE that day due to various weak reasons).