While the names may not have been changed to protect the innocent, the score book is full of gaps. Therefore, if I have given the wrong names of wicket takers or catchers, please let Simon W know and he will diligently correct. Therefore, what follows may be a work of fiction, but is based on a true story.............


The game against Alvin's All-stars is always an anticipated one in the Saddo's diary. They are a good bunch of lads to play against and, at least historically, they are the nearest thing we have to a banker away win.


However, this is no ordinary year. Consistency of availability, new blood and a noticeable increase in quality of performance mean the Saddos are on a roll. A two game undefeated run, including a history making away win against STAGs led to unprecedented thoughts of back to back victories. We have not seen optimism like this since Liverpool said 6 points from our last 4 games and we are champions.

The weather was overcast, the Veralanium Superdome pitch, cut and rolled, the mood, buoyant.

Captain Church, available after his dog ate my homework excesses of the previous week had a selection dilemma. The arrival of new boy Rupert aka "Rupe the Builder" (have patience, joke follows later) meant that Captain Fantastic had 12 players to choose from. Immediately Church sends the new lad out on loan to the All-stars. Winfield the Elder suggesting that the new boy was bravely putting himself before the selection committee in the most brutal way possible, trail by full tosses, wides and beamers (although more about Longchuck's bowling later).

Saddo's agree to field, only reasonable given Alvin only has 7 player there at the time, and out into the middle stride the Maroon Marauders.

Buoyed by the crushing defeat of STAGs (yes Chris Jukes, your boys took one hell of a beating), Captain Church set a very close in field with James taking guard at first slip. Old Father Time opens the attack. Hollerton boldly wearing the latest in designer red glasses, in a valiant attempt to revive the Timmy Mallet look. The veteran spinner's second ball hits Alvin in the chest knocking him over, a tight first over is followed by an equally mean over from the Brummie Basher at the other end, leading to a sharp missed caught and bowled. Old Man Hollerton's second is good but Wilson's second over is even better, inducing misses and forward defences and yielding his first wicket of the season trapping Alvin Junior LBW. Wilson ends with 9 for 1, Hollerton an amazing 0 for 3. First change bowling duties fall to Diprose and Longshot. Diprose bowls with verve, speed and menace. Longthrow bowls with menace, danger and a health warning. Alvin is bit repeatedly by Longpitch's own version of bodyline, panel beating. Somehow Alvin connects with the high level aerial bombing strategy and a couple of boundaries follow. A sharply rising Diprose delivery (it must have hit something) hits the batman's glove and Williams take an historic Saddos first slip catch. Williams is on fire (or has he simply forgotten to take his electric cigarette out of his back pocket). Alvin retires (hurt probably). Diprose 1 for 6, Longtallsally 0 for 18.

Alvins are about 45 for 2 when Williams and Knee take over. Williams takes a wicket in his spell, clean bowling the batsman and ends with a career best figures of 1 for 1. Knee then spends 5 minutes rearranging the umpire's standing position (5 inches forward, 5 inches back), before bowling a ball so wide a diving Peel has to be at full stretch to reach. The umpire/Knee debate finally settled, Knee completes a tidy spell which includes a wicket and ends with 1 for 15.

Captain Church decides that with the cream of Alvin's upper order back in the hutch it is time for his medium slow dobblers. Church sends in a " fast " one that has Longshout appealing for a catch at first slip, James unfazed by the fact that the batsman failed to hit it. A rejuvenated Hook steams in from the other end, inducing confusion in the batsman and leading to a very impressive run out by the bowler. Out in the deep Nadia Diprose (a man always happy playing in the deep) shows of her gymnastic skills while valiantly trying to prevent a 6. She is awarded a 5.5, the batsman is awarded a 6. Church 0 for 13. Hook an impressive 6 for 1.

Death pair Winfield the Elder and Jones arrive with Alvins on about 72 for 4 off 16. Jones, bowling from the rabbit shit end, sails his second ball high into the tree cover that is the side screen and it sails past the batsman and Peel takes an impressive stumping. Three balls later Jones induces the new batman forward, he skies it to the safe hands of Knee for a very good catch. Winfield races in from teenager's snogging end. His fourth ball is too good for the batsman and the bails go airborne.

In walks Rupe the Builder, to face Jones' second over. Rupe the Builder , can he hit it", Rupe the Builder, no he can't is the instant reply as Jones turns a beauty which clips the top of the off bail to send the brickie back to the van. Jones jumps up screaming like an idiot and for the third time this season appeals for a clean bowled. Will he never learn. 86 for 8 and the final over from the veteran quick. A fast delivery leads to confusion and a run out follows. Alvin returns and one ball later Naymar Winfield kicks a return shot back onto Alvin's stumps and it is all over at 87 all out. Once again high pressure bowling from all the team leads to a final session collapse by the opposition. Jones ends with career best figures of 3 for 9, Winfield 8 for 1.

Saddos into bat.

As reward for their outstanding batting performances of the previous week, Peel, Diprose and Longtimenosee are assigned new roles within the team: Umpire, scorer and umpire's assistant respectively. The selection committee also relegate Jones and Winfield down the order to give the Saddos batting a new vibrant look.

In go the Simons in a new new look opening combination. The Brummie Basher picks the wrong one to bash and is quickly back in the hutch for 7. In walks Timmy Mallet with his bat, you guessed it 'Mallett's Mallet'. There is nothing that boy will not cut and he get's himself in, a veritable Wacaday. Cries of 'utterly brilliant!' are lost on non Mallet fans but Hollerton makes a very respectable, career best 10 before being bowled . In walks Captain Church with a look that says, this in my day. At the other end Knee is a revelation, pasting Rupe for three 4s in 3 balls before he retires for a career high 25. Next in should be Hook. However, by some underhand method the Welsh Valley's Light Railway (well there is no express where he is from) confuses numerically challenged Hook as to who is in next and steals a march. Williams is his usual self, hitting 2s and 4s around the ground. Church, at a loss as to what shot to play other than route 1 confuses all around him by playing delicate 1s off his legs. However, Church would not be Church without one horrendous run out incident, as Williams ends up at Church's end with Church still there. However, Alvin's somehow miss this technical point and a run out is avoided.

Williams falls to a caught and bowled with 1 needed for victory for a season best 21. Hook makes his way out into the middle. Church scores the 1 run needed and both return to the pavilion heroes. Church unbeaten on 22. Hook undefeated on 0.

So three games undefeated. Two games on the trot with the opposition all out for the loss of only 3 Saddo's wickets. Career best batting from Hollerton and Knee and a measured inning from Church, these are indeed heady times.

Again an all round sold performance with important contributions from all the team. The Bell's Whisky man of the match award, and a bottle of Bells' finest goes to Longtimenobat, who needs a stiff drink.