Victory Over Verulam!

Another fine summer's day and the Selected Saddoes, picked from on high, gathered once more at the most beautiful and most crap pitch they call their home ground. This unique combination of beauty and crapness is the lifeblood of Saddoes and is evidenced whenever they play. In this spirit the Saddoes gathered slowly, some would say in 'dribs and drabs', but really anything but drab as each appeared resplendent in club colours. The gathering process was noticeably slower than that of the opposition - Verulam CC - who, despite, or maybe because of, their evident seniority, could boast a full eleven on the hour of six.

The, some-would-say, important strategic questions such as who should bat first and then the batting order were therefore decided simply on the basis of the initial slow turnout by Saddoes. Saddoes 'won the toss' so to speak and whoever was there got to bat. But I say, "Beautifully executed" as of course this turned out to be precisely the order we wanted.

So, with no time to count the new rabbit burrows on the wicket or litter-pick after teenage revelry our two opening batsmen entered the crease. Saddo Longbottom to face the opening ball and Captain Saddo Peel to watch. And that was pretty much how it continued - Saddo Longbottom facing and Captain Saddo Peel watching. It was therefore not long before Saddo Longbottom had notched up a ripe old retirement quota of 33 while Capt Saddo Peel lagged behind on 23.

At this point, the strengths and weaknesses of our fielding opponents had become abundantly clear. Superiority of age clearly gave Verulam the wisdom not to run with undue speed and caution to prevent balls crossing the boundary. Catches it seemed were viewed as optional interests while bowling offered an opportunity to present the ball to the batsman in as many and varied ways as possible. This, of course, was aided by the supremely crap (and beautiful) surface of the wicket. This completely unpredictable bowling (and some would say, 'no-ball' bowling) proved to be Verulam's greatest strength as Captain Saddo Peel was soon to discover.

Just shy of his retirement plan and expecting yet another 'unexpectable' to dispatch for a six he found himself bowled by a ball with no bounce: an outrageous pea-roller! So in strode our next pair: Saddo Cooper and Saddo McKinnon. This pairing managed to extend the batting repertoire somewhat, which, up until this point, had either been 'out', 'wide/no-ball' or 'boundary'. Finding their running legs this stalwart pair clocked up an additional 14 single runs with a fair few 'fours' thrown in for good measure.

However, the eleventh hour or should I say 'over' was approaching for Saddo McKinnon and, like his captain before him, a completely unpredictable ball with no particular discernable purpose in life found its way through to take him into early retirement. Nevertheless, Saddo McKinnon could walk head held high with a respectable total score of 17 and a total Saddo accumulation of 98 runs for 11 overs.

Now Saddo Evershed stepped up to the crease keen to banish memories of his golden duck against Alvins the previous week. Unable to offer any shot other than the 'bash it to the boundary swipe' Saddo Evershed thanked his lucky stars that his first few sighting swipes left the fall spinning well wide of his stumps. Eventually willow made contact with leather and a series of 4s and one 6 brought him to his allotted total of 25 and, as if to confirm this, he was clean bowled the very next ball! So crap and yet soooo beautiful.

In the meantime, Saddo Cooper had retired with a very dignified total of 29 making way for the newest kid on the block, Saddo Chennells. Overs were running out but the score was looking good, maybe even as good as it had ever got! With Saddo Cooper retired and Saddo Evershed out Saddo Church joined Saddo Chennells to complete the final pairing and it was this pairing that provided the greatest drama of the game. Saddo Church, eager to push the score to an all-time high almost ran himself out on his first ball. Saddo Chennells, keen not to be outdone, put up a juicy catch for the assembled fielders. But quietly confident, he watched as the fielder never quite got into that catching position and the ball was grounded.

Again, it was Saddo Church's turn to spice things up with a lovely strike but not - I kid you not - over the bowler's head along its usual path but instead to a completely different part of the field which some would call 'deep backward square'! As if shocked himself, Saddo Church quickly returned to his usual batting habits, dispatching a ball for 6 to its usual quarters on the penultimate ball. The final ball arrived and once again, Saddo Church, eager for those last few runs tore up and down severely testing Saddo Chennells fitness (who after all had considered his very respectable 15 runs with a smattering of 4s enough). During those last 3 runs the Verulam field sprung to life and appeared to succeed in stumping Saddo Church out as he ran home. However, following a steward's enquiry, it was revealed that it was not the ball that had made contact with the stumps but the fielder's right foot. A suitably crappy ending to a beautiful innings with a glorious total of 182 for 3, possibly a Saddoes record?

It has to be said at this point, that credit must go to our opponents, Verulam CC, for their upbeat and cheerful approach to the game. No small task lay before them and yet they clearly seemed to be enjoying the game simply for the sake of playing. They too seemed to have learnt the secret of being beautifully crap!

Saddoes now took to the field and produced what can only be described as a very tight performance of great fielding and efficient bowling interspersed with some crap moments such as when Saddo Evershed allowed the ball to escape between his legs and away for a boundary. On the bright side, he retains the option of additional offspring not just being reserved for April 1st.

Everyone got to bowl a couple of overs bar Saddo Longbottom who contented himself with three stumpings as wicket keeper - all during an impressive wicket-taking over by Saddo Church. Otherwise, there is not much else to report other than to mention the most costly over by Saddo Knee with his unique blend of hurl-bowling developed while practicing throwing javelins whilst working as an extra for a remake of Zulu. He did however make up for the loss of runs by taking one wicket: a catch by a Saddo who shall remain anonymous because I can't remember who it was...a team catch no doubt.

Keeping the runs down Saddoes bowled out their 20 overs and found they had had won by a very healthy margin: Verulam only managing a paltry 112. Beautiful and not really that crap after all! However, the best was yet to come as the confused (but attractive) bar staff at the Six Bells saw fit to dish out two trays of sausages and chips to each team. Amidst the confusion and face-stuffing it was suggested that the additional trays might in fact be for Alvin's Allstars and their opponents who had played on the lower pitch next to us. Such suggestions were quickly brushed aside but somehow full stomachs and guilt (which Saddoes prefer to call chivalry) got the better of those seated and somewhat lighter trays were left out for Alvin and co. Oh well Alvin...LET THE REMATCH BEGIN!